Losing a job is undeniably tough. The journey is fraught with the pressure to provide for oneself or family, coupled with a blow to one’s ego. The embarrassment and shame that often accompany job loss can make the situation even more challenging. If merely encouraging people to “stay positive” worked, would we even be having these conversations?

It’s time to shift into “listening mode,” or as some call it, “holding space.” However, silence isn’t always the solution. Here are some empathetic alternatives that can unlock real connections:

Instead of “Stay positive!” try validating the person’s experience. Saying “Stay positive!” can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge the person’s feelings: “Losing a job is terrible, and everything you’re feeling about it makes perfect sense.” This validates their experience and shows you understand their struggle.

Instead of “Take this time to rest!” offer practical support. The cliché “Take this time to rest!” might not resonate. A more empathetic approach is, “This next phase is likely to take a lot of energy. People who care about you are ready to help.” If you’re offering assistance, be specific about how you can help. For example, “I’ll put you in touch with my recruiter friend,” or “I’ll get you out of the house for lunch on Tuesday or Thursday.”

Instead of “When one door closes, another one opens!” acknowledge the uncertainty. While “When one door closes, another one opens!” is meant to be encouraging, it can often feel trite. Instead, acknowledge the uncertainty of the situation: “It makes sense to feel uncertain about the future. Focusing on meeting your needs right now will help you gain a sense of control.” This approach respects their feelings and provides a pathway to regaining stability.

Let’s ditch the clichés and foster real connections by genuinely supporting each other.